My, journey with law began at a very nascent stage in the life surrounded by lawyers, it created an environment where every situation which came at hand was analyzed and questioned. Then teens came and life was all about freedom and then as usual being a boy life was beep beep no one cares what law is. Aspired to join the military, ended up studying Psychology for a year and then finally joined law school and graduated. Until then Bhanwari Devi was another name in the law books and Vishaka vs Union of India had to be cited in the Indian Penal Code exam and you get 2 extra marks.
The d day came graduation came through, placements were WOW the dream of every aspiring candidate got an interview with PwC , elated to join the best, one had only heard about them in stories and movies and so on. Ideal place to work as we speak the most educated and brilliant lot joins the firm, so was proud of the same. At the same time ethos and values heard about PwC from peers and friend’s was the glamour.
It has been more than over half a decade since I have been with PwC now and it has taught me many things, made me realize why being sensitive is important and what is the reality we living in. In this time I understood what POSH is and how we need to realize as men where we need to draw the line for being cool at workplace with our women colleagues surrounding us.
- Insensitivity and first close brush to understand Harassment :
So my journey began with being part of one of the SBU’s. By then I had completed as part of training module my Sexual Harassment training by clicking next next and dedicated the same to what a waste of time, I have come to work here not to do this crap.
I was a fresh associate back then and it was a late evening working on an assignment with a fellow female colleague, chit chatting and there is one random senior, who seemed a nice fellow knowingly, unknowingly he dragged a chair next to this lady without asking/seeking permission to do so and in the personal space of that person just sat. Well now I am a young educated guy from top law school open minded and I said, woah what a cool senior. Then something caught my attention, my colleague was nervous and totally uncomfortable, she was trying to be normal. I thought initially it might be due to work, but the body language suggested something else.
I kept mum as us folks do , why do I care there is nothing wrong, and then with 30 minutes of senior leaving , I ask my colleague you ok isn’t he cool to sit with us . She said I did not like him sitting so close. RED FLAG for me. I realized what she might have been going through psychologically all this while and yet she kept quiet and did not say a word, because just it’s the first month at work and who wants to jeopardize career. As usual Men’s ignorance rules.
- Second time alert, Mr ogler strikes :
Second, year into the job and by then life seemed good work was on track started to analyze the culture and comfort sank in. There is a group of us sitting at the break area at an office location in the western zone, discussing how to close a presentation. Then something caught our attention
We, menfolk and Indian’s in particular are callous and chilled in general “Kya Kahenge Log” keeps us in checks and balances. It is the law of land, we become shy sound minded and practical when Kya kahenge Log is implemented.
Nonetheless we are serial ogler’s and of the order that we do not leave the corner of the eye alone either when something happens around us.
This extra super hero trait gets super bolstered if someone from another gender walks by or is at workplace in proximity. There is a colleague going about her work, and a couple of associate’s from across the bay were standing and radiating , Ogling straight at her whilst standing and passing by. Then the magic trick found an excuse on some pretext and in a professional manner dragged a chair on a spot in the bay and sat.
We sitting at cafeteria joked what the hell, maybe we are reading between the lines, it is nothing and we looked away, 10 minutes down the line the female colleague changed her bay and sat somewhere else.
This was something which made me uneasy and I started believing that harassment has no single definition, it exists and around me it is prevalent. Then when the discussion happened with other colleagues, was given a advice, “Bhai leave it you are thinking too much” Kam pe dhyaan. This time though I went through the policy online and read, alas I was correct this was harassment.
- Third time , the party shocker strike’s :
Third year into work, maturity creeped in, more settled in work environment, belief is still high on ethos and values. Then came the d day, a party is organized for new joiner’s and promotions were declared so both occasions combined. Everyone is happy the party is at a superb location decent crowd, niche alcohol. First party for me so high expectations, everyone was getting drunk chilling. Then I see a group of female colleague’s dancing and we of this generation are open minded people so as I speak everyone is welcome to join. The dance was on and suddenly amongst the group as we watch, a Jiver of vulgar dance makes an entry into the group. Everyone is laughing at first until he makes it a dance off and tries to dance with a random female colleague who at first was chilled out and then ignores and ignores as Boney M cranked up his dance. In the end she and her friends left the floor.
It was yet again that I had witnessed and not reported, and I asked myself, can I imagine myself stuck in such a situation. Just because I am a guy it is so easy, what if it was someone I knew, or my sister. Then the belief “uske saath nai hoga”, I will do the needful etc etc.
This caused a lot of unrest to me and I became sure Harassment which I had heard off has no caste, creed, education, family background it exists. That night what made me question was my own demeanor in office, as to whether knowingly/unknowingly or otherwise I hope I am not doing the same.
The Bhanwari devi case on marginal levels came across to me as a simmering point, she was subjugated to such type of instance’s, but because no one was sensitive, she had to face such consequences. We as males label ourselves that we are not like that, but in some or the other way we do have ignorance is bliss which causes such instances around us at workplace.
Over a period of time as I matured with work and the organization, these instances became more frequent or maybe I became sensitized. I started noticing similar situations on marginal levels happening every now and then. Some of the pointers which came to my understanding were:
- Leaning over female colleagues
- Keeping a hand on shoulders
- Insist on shaking hands
- Ogling from anywhere
- Using double meaning jokes without realizing women are around
I am not saying that all of us have done it knowingly, that is dangerous , but what is even dangerous we unknowingly do so and the ego comes where self-denial is the savior. We must understand and respect the other gender a sense of responsibility in such an environment towards our female associates and colleagues is a must.
Three words can summarize what I felt and I regret “Should have voiced my concern” may be my female counterparts would have felt that it is not a blind eye situation. As it is the Indian way of living is such societal pressures condition, women to believe “aise he hoga aap bacho”.
As, I matured more and became sensitized about this issue , from that day onwards I have always endeavored and done my bit and attempted to do so… my journey with the firm has been exemplary and I have had most amazing people, but such instances do exist, and it is the silence that leads to a storm. Be the vociferous one lets help each other out, so the jiver/extra friendly and the ogler leave’s our workplace….